I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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