dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
