I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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