You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
