i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
