I just pynch a tree in the face
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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