my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
