Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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