Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
