Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
