Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
