Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
