i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
