Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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