maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
