he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
