i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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