yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
