I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
