there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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