a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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