Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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