I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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