Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
