What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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