census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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