Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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