Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
