Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
