She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
