Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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