Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize