My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
