i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize