dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
