a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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