Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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