Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize