The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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