Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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