i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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