Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
