There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
