So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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