OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
