Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
