Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
