what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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