Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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