I can't watch pbs sober anymore
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
40s are totally the cure
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
