nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're so nebulous sometimes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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