angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
