i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
