I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
