found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
