so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
