Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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