i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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