First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
