Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
