I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
