the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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