Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
