He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
