I'm lost and stupid without you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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