i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
