pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize