Just cropdusted the office
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
