Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
