He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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